a friend indeed

A man of many companions may come to ruin,

but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Prov 18:24

today i made a new friend. not that i didn't know her before, but today was different. as far as memory serves, i don't think i've ever sat down with her to talk. but when we started talking about our struggles in church, we were at once closer than sisters.

It's amazing when you think you're all alone, God just brings someone along to comfort you. yeah, church planting is definitely lonely. if you can't live without friends, you won't survive the church planting scenario. only the emotionally strong can run and not give up. what amazes me more is, when 2 persons are serving god with all their heart, if 2 persons have suffered on account of God's glory before, these 2 can just sit down to talk and encourage each other freely, both understanding fully the extend of the other's pain/joy that comes along with such suffering.

i always thought there was no one who understands me. i always thought that being lonely is my lot in life, my cross i have to carry as it were. but after today, i know there are many people out there like me. of course it's easy to say Jesus is my best friend, but god did create eve to be adam's companion. we still need encouragement from friends. oh, i'm still in awe of God's grace. i didn't have to say much, she already knew how to comfort me because she's already been through it.

His grace is and ever will be amazing. His mercies are new every morning! praise the Lord!

Discipline

A little sleep, a little slumber,a little folding of the hands to rest

and poverty will come on you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man.

Prov 24:33-34

i watched on E! the other day and saw alicia keys on it. i asked my mom how come i'm not there. she said, besides talent, like any other thing, i must work hard. really hit home for me. i've been wasting so much time lazing around a bit here, a bit there. so i've decided i'll try to stay off tv as much as possible. oh, and the net. sigh. not as easily done than said.

decided i want to work hard to make my life mean something. i'm on this long painful journey of learning self-discipline. i think it's even harder than form 6 biology. sigh. this is me, feeling pitiful for myself.



p/s: i'm trying to practice my piano again, hopefully i'll at least play it well...

Home

Matt 25:21
"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

Someone once asked me what is the thing I most looked forward to when I get to heaven. I think at that time I answered that I was looking forward most to the “treasures evermore” part because I thought I deserved my rewards after going through so much suffering in this lifetime. Immediately after saying that, I have not been able to stop thinking about what I said. If I was asked again the same question, this would be my answer now – I want to hear “well done, good and faithful servant!” from the Master.

Since I was young, I always only prayed 2 things consistently throughout. The first is that I would never be a hypocrite. 2ndly was that I would always please him in all that I do. I want him to be happy with all my actions and choices, of my achievements (so Asian culture rite?....).

People ask, why work so hard? Pass enough la… true, if you knew what the passing mark was. I believe there is really only 1 test that we must all pass, set by the Master himself. There is no pass or fail, just “well done” or “you wicked, lazy servant!” which have such extreme consequences. Why then must we work hard? Well, the answer is really simple – so that we may pass the test of the Master, the test which the passing mark is 100%. I am sincerely afraid that if in this life I waste it away not doing the best I can, not yielding the extra 5/2/1 talent that was given me, I would not be qualified to even enter the Master’s home. I’m scared that if I don’t give my best in my responsibilities, I would be cast into the outer darkness where there will be gnashing of teeth.

So really, I work hard not to get bragging rights, but that one day I can stand before my Lord and say with a clear conscience that I have done my best and hoping that he will be pleased with me.

Rom 8:18-19
I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

p/s: at the time of writing this, every other singer was singing a song about home so I decided to title this “home” :p oh yeah, tmr’s last day of mock exams… yay!

Suit Up!

be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.

Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.

With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:10-18

Stand firm! easy to say, hard to achieve. i imagine in war, all we have to do is make sure we stand right to the end. hence the phrase "the last man standing". If we can attack but can't even stand firm when being attacked, we'll definitely be losing the war very soon. these are uncertain times(esp in Malaysia), we really don't know the full extend of the evil that satan is plotting to use as an attack, therefore we need, more than ever, to put on the full armour of God that we may stand firm and not fall in the ONLY war that matters.

"Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain."

1 Corinthians 15:58

Swimming Upstream

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2

Lately, people around me have signified their willingness to quit the ministry (ok, that was me studying too much law). It’s really sad because I feel so powerless to help them. It’s past the point of reasoning for some of them. Theoretically, they know their facts. It’s just that they either refuse to accept them or reject them or they just give up trying altogether because of the many failures encountered. It breaks my heart. I’m sure God is much more saddened than I am, the thing is I can’t figure out why He would allow this to happen. I’m sure he has his purposes, it’s just that I can’t seem to see things his way just yet. I still believe he is in control of all things, but I think there is something for me to learn as well through all this “chaos” and uncertainty.

I need to constantly remind myself that God is in control and whatever happens he has allowed it to happen. At least there is one constant in my life. Rock of Ages, yeah, that’s my God. While I’m still afloat, I think I need to take a more aggressive stance, swim harder as it were. I was just reminded by my wise dad that if I were to do nothing, the current will just take me downstream. Hence, I need to be vigilant, think with my head, be alert always, as it were, on call 24 hours. I cannot allow myself to be disillusioned or distracted which is so easy for me to become.

2ndly, I realize that what I can do is really nothing compared to what he can do. That’s why I need to pray more, which is hard considering me, a person who seldom sits down to just pray even for half an hour… but the less I spend my time in prayer, the easier it will be for me to feel discouraged or disillusioned. “he gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak… they that wait upon the Lord shall mount up on wings like eagles…” Isaiah 40:29-31. I sincerely believe that God can melt the hardest of hearts.

“if my people…will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and… forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

2 Chronicles 7:14

how can i give up my dream?

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

i've always known god has great plans for my life. the one criteria i look for in any potential husband is that he must take me into the mission field. only one criteria. but then again, i've heard of stories where great women who knew in purposed in their hearts to do great things for god but ended up marrying and bringing up children and not going into the mission field at all. but all these for a good cause since their husbands in the end turned out to be huge succeses even in the kingdom.

take ruth graham, the wife of the great billy graham. she was all set to be single for life and to be a missionary in tibet. but by some twist, she married billy and stayed home to rear the children while billy traveled all over the world preaching the good news. what i don't understand is, how did she know that it was god's will for her to give up her so called "calling"? make no mistake, if given a chance, i'd be readily be a wife of some great man of god, helping him in his ministry if god requires. but my question is, how do i know? when the time does come, god, please let me know without a doubt ur plans for my life. amen.

Sufferings...

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.
Revelations 21:4

sufferings are part of life. agreed. sometimes the sufferings in life just overwhelms us. like when a friend of mine decides to be fired up for God's kingdom, suddenly the sufferings pile on her like a wheelbarrow pouring sand on her head. it just overwhelms. but there will come a day when there will be no more tears. ohh... how i wait for that day. i dream of a day when all these sufferings will pass away and the glory of god just surrounds us, when we will return home with our battle wounds, but a great crowd will be cheering our return. then finally, the master receives us, arms open wide, the glory just surrounds, and says "well done, good and faithful servant." .....just so glorious compared to the present situation.

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Joshua 1:9

The Resurection

"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die."

John 11:25

what is the resurrection to me?

• it's a hope, hope for a better life than being trapped in eternity in the sinful nature under the power of the evil one.
• empowerment by the Holy Spirit. It was through this same spirit that Christ was raised from the dead. if only we can live each day in the power of the resurrection, we will definitely be greatly empowered to do His will.
• It's a new life. Jesus promised us a new life after death- no more tears, hurt or sorrow. if we can live each day as an overcomer, this new life will be even more glorious. we'll not only get that mansion just over the hilltop, we'll get a whole hotel. yeah, dat's wat i believe.
• it's my message. Because he lives, we know we have a future, we know we're not alone. we know that we can somehow get through live's ups and downs by the mastermind of our creator. we know we didn't come here by accident.

"If we were united with him in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that we were crucified with him so that our body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin, because anyone who has died has ben freed from sin."

Romans 6:5-6

Take courage, we have been empowered by His resurrection!

love...how?

“You have stolen my heart.”
Dashboard Confessionals

For some weird and twisted reason, I am madly in love. For confidential purposes, I cant put down the name of the person.

Because I’m madly in love, I’ve been thinking about love a lot these days. Sadly, I’ve reached the conclusion that at this point in time, I’m just not ready to be in a relationship with any guy. You know why? Coz I think I don’t know how to love in an unselfish way. If I can’t even love my cell members enough to care for them, how can I expect myself to give my heart to a deserving guy? A relationship between a guy and a girl is not merely feelings and attraction. It’s a relationship two persons enter into that is centered on the will of God whereby two of them have a common destiny in god and are willing to pursue together. That’s kinda deep huh?

Someone once wisely said, “I want to be captivated by God’s love before I allow myself to be captivated by someone else.” The other reason I think I’m not ready to give someone else my heart is because I have not truly been captivated by God, the original Lover. I need to “love the Lord with all my heart and with all my soul”. I feel that if I allow someone into my life right now, he will only be a distraction from God because I will not enjoy & seek God’s companionship or guidance as I should. When I have learnt to appreciate God as a lover then I will be ready to BE a lover to someone else the way God intended.

See, this is the logical part of me thinking. The illogical part of me however, has a stolen heart already. How nice, the song is playing now as I’m typing this. Coincidence? The fact is, I think about him all the time. I long to see him, to talk to him. You know why? Because he is a man who wants to serve God no matter what God calls him to do. Because he is committed to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. Because I respect him. When I finally give my heart to somebody, I need to know that he understands that God has called me to do great things for His glory. I don’t want him to just follow me around, I want him to know his mission in Christ also and take me to the ends of the earth. I need to know that he is worthy of my respect and that he is someone worthy for me to submit to and to obey. First of all thought, I want my heart to be stolen by the great Lover. I want to be in love first with Him.

Sometimes when I think about it, it just overwhelms me. I get knots in my stomach, I feel my eyes getting moist. I guess the longer I wait, the more beautiful he will be when God finally sends him. (him=the perfect guy God has chosen for me)

I’m waiting in eager expectation. Oh yeah, I think I understand better what it means to wait actively. “They that wait upon the Lord…”

Stand Firm!

“So, if u think you are standing firm, be careful that u don’t fall!"
1 Corinthians 10:12

How true! Lately I’ve been planning a lot on how to really live a holier and more spiritually disciplined life. Of course, all this in pursuit of knowing Jesus better and knowing His ways for his ways are higher than our ways.

But, along with these plans, I’ve unconsciously developed a pride – thinking just because I’ve made the decision to start meditating, not that I’ve been faithfully practicing, I’ve become holier or smarter than most people. I realized I started getting frustrated when things didn’t go my way. I started criticizing the source of frustration, thinking I have the best solution, forgetting that I know next to nothing. When I got frustrated, it didn’t end there. I lost my temper, started getting angry, throwing tantrums, basically one sin leading to another. It didn’t feel holy being angry with somebody who tweaked my patience but it did feel good staying angry. I guess it’s the human nature taking over, I now understand a little better how we can lose our control, yield to the sinful nature. “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin, because anyone who has died is free from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.”

I consider myself to be strong, not that I boast in this but because god has called me to be strong, strong enough to carry others. But my mistake was thinking that I am standing firm. Unknowingly, subtle temptations crept up without me even realizing, I was falling into sin. I am so grateful for this gracious warning from god, that I don’t think I’m infallible. For me, although all ate the same spiritual food, although all crossed the red sea, I want to be at the end. I want to put my trust in God.

“In every victory, let it be said of me:
My source of strength,
My source of hope,
Is Christ alone. “

Worker's Conference - Leadership

if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

2 Chronicles 7:14

today spent the whole afternoon at worker's conference. this is probably one of the best and most memorable conferences i've attended in all my life in FGT. basically all my life ler.

started off with Datuk Paul Low. He's some big shot political/economical leader/pioneer in the country. the difference with him is he constantly makes stands for righteousness' sake. next was Shelton Johnson. shared from my favourite bible character- Joshua. shared about the calling of god and our responses. powerful message. i knew there was a reason i liked joshua. maybe i'll name my son joshua next time. he's a man who responded to god even though he didn't have the burning bush experience. So long as we know that god has called, don't keep looking for spectacular signs ler...yup. don't doubt the calling of god. lastly was of course pr. Hong Seng. showed us the importance of looking for the person who will serve. he gave this acronym:

Learning posture
Excellence
Anointing
Disciples
Energy factor
Relational skills
Servanthood and shortfalls

how true. many times people want to call themselves leaders but they refuse to be a disciple. i'm beginning to realise how important humility in leadership is. God opposes the proud. it's true. when we refuse to acknowledge our sins or weaknesses, we don't allow authority to speak into our lives. don't get me started on authority.

well, after these 3 speakers shared, we heard 3 testimonies from the pastors of FGT KK, London and Melaka. these testimonies was my sort of "breaking point". really touching ler. they were sharing about their churches and how god was blessing their churches. there was a sense of jealousy at that point. on one hand, i was really happy for them coz they made it through, they didn't give up, they produced fruit. on the other hand, i look at myself and ask why i can't be like them. it's sad knowing i'm called to be like them yet i still can't even be disciplined enough to pray regularly or to love people like jesus loves. it's something i need to repent constantly of and surrender to God. (if you are an FGTian reading this and have always been in your own church, i challenge u to visit the branch churches. it's really a different experience knowing god is working elsewhere, knowing how much the leaders at the branch churches have sacirficed just to be there to give their all. you just cant' help begging god to bless them and their efforts. visiting FGT KK has been a real eye opener for me spiritually. Go!)

after that we had a time of prayer. prayed in groups of 5. my group consisted of: aunty prema, grace, menghong and uncle rafael. this is one really special prayer for me. a first if i might add. when we started praying in tongues, tears just started streaming down my face. i KNEW at that moment that if i were to pray anything out loud, i would definitely burst into tears so i waited till the last hopefully the tears would stop. well, i still did burst into tears though the tears significantly dried up by that time. this has NEVER happened to me before. was sobbing uncontrollably halfway through my first sentence k. felt so weirded out man... was exhausting though. i guess i was just so sad that though we have such a big task ahead of us, there's still so many obstacles- people, circumstances... there's still so much nonsence (sometimes) that goes on that just makes serving the lord so tough and mind boggling. yes, we're serving together but somehow there's mistrust, there's unwillingness, there's no transparency. how can we win the world if we cant' even trust each other? hmmm... then i realised, (eventually) things aren't going to change unless i change. i got a sense that everything, this whole responsibility rested solely on my shoulders. if i don't pray, nobody's gonna pray. if i don't love, nobody's gonna love. it's really not dat bad but it feels dat way. just like wat my dad said a while back, god is just looking for that ONE person who will decide to stand in the gap, to run between the living and the dead. well, guess what, i want to be that person. nobody said it was easy, but if it kills me, i'm gonna try. it just takes ONE person.