“So, if u think you are standing firm, be careful that u don’t fall!"
1 Corinthians 10:12
How true! Lately I’ve been planning a lot on how to really live a holier and more spiritually disciplined life. Of course, all this in pursuit of knowing Jesus better and knowing His ways for his ways are higher than our ways.
But, along with these plans, I’ve unconsciously developed a pride – thinking just because I’ve made the decision to start meditating, not that I’ve been faithfully practicing, I’ve become holier or smarter than most people. I realized I started getting frustrated when things didn’t go my way. I started criticizing the source of frustration, thinking I have the best solution, forgetting that I know next to nothing. When I got frustrated, it didn’t end there. I lost my temper, started getting angry, throwing tantrums, basically one sin leading to another. It didn’t feel holy being angry with somebody who tweaked my patience but it did feel good staying angry. I guess it’s the human nature taking over, I now understand a little better how we can lose our control, yield to the sinful nature. “For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin, because anyone who has died is free from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him.”
I consider myself to be strong, not that I boast in this but because god has called me to be strong, strong enough to carry others. But my mistake was thinking that I am standing firm. Unknowingly, subtle temptations crept up without me even realizing, I was falling into sin. I am so grateful for this gracious warning from god, that I don’t think I’m infallible. For me, although all ate the same spiritual food, although all crossed the red sea, I want to be at the end. I want to put my trust in God.
“In every victory, let it be said of me:
My source of strength,
My source of hope,
Is Christ alone. “
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